Catssage, USDF's Etrak, and a Thousand Other Ways in Which to Psyche Myself Out

Have I mentioned yet that I'm planning on taking Ben to his very first dressage show on June 30th? As it turns out, my barn manager has offered to haul 8 horses down (thats 2 round trip trips for her) to a local saddle club. I've been to this place a handful of times, and the shows are always quiet and perfect for first time outings.

Nevertheless, I have found ways in which to psyche myself out. In consultation with the trainer, I am (right now) going to ride Training 1 & 2. Of course that means I've found a reason to completely obsess over memorizing both tests, and have gone so far as to lay out a dressage court in my living room.

In addition to walking the tests over, and over (and over and over and over), I've also begun watching an endless number of Training 1 & 2 videos on youtube. Watching other beautiful, or not so beautiful tests prompted a few questions - of which I started researching on USDF and USEF. Then, it happened. I somehow stumbled upon USDF's new site, E-trak. Chock full of free materials on how to make correct geometry, 50 ways to get eliminated in your test, and most importantly, judged rides WITH commentary.

 Listening to a judge commentate a ride was probably not the right thing for me to hear. Suddenly, I started comparing my own riding skills (or lack thereof) to those riders in the video, and somehow have deduced that I completely suck. All I can picture is the judge shaking her head and saying "well here is one that should've stayed back in Intro." Okay, Little Voice In my Head- you win. I'm not worthy of Training Level. I won't let you down, we'll do it your way - Intro power!

It has taken approximately, oh, all day, for my friend and riding partner to convince me otherwise.  She made very valid points - the main one being  that our trainer, also a judge, would likely have told me to enter into Intro if she believed that I belonged there. Hmm, pesky details.

The Ladder of Progress

Knocked me off its rungs last night.

Gah, I hate when that happens, and it always does, just when you are cocky enough to think it can't ever happen again.

Last night was lesson night. I was so happy with Ben's progress over the last few days, I just couldn't wait to show my trainer our work. Yes, dear trainer, I'm not just a slug in the saddle, I am teachable. I can learn. I can make things go better.

Hmm, well, to say the lesson was a disaster would be an overstatement. The truth is, it was still a good ride, but it just wasn't AS good as I had had on Sunday and Monday. So I was a little bummed about that, but then again, as my barn mate told me, Its better to have crappy rides while under the keen eye of a trainer, because you can then fix things on the spot. This is true, though, had I ridden better, I doubt those things would've been around at all.

Looking back, my head just wasn't in the game. I was more focused on wondering why things werent going as well as they had days prior, instead of buckling down and riding the horse I had in front of me. And the reality is, when your head is in the clouds you miss time, misjudge, and miss opportunity.
Stupid.

The good parts: better walk, better trot transitions, better circles.
The bad parts: shitty canter departs, shitty canter downward transitions, and loss of connection, shitty half halts.

The good news is that we still got done what was needed, and I can say that all of our faults were entirely my fault, which means, if I can somehow get myself together, we can actually have good rides.

I was also reminded that I need to be schooling him over poles, and that I cannot ignore the canter...because in fact, not working on something makes it worse, as evidenced by my lesson. Grrr, fine.

After the lesson we did have a milestone achievement: we cooled out on the race track. Ben had only been out there a couple of times which was about a year ago. I've been wanting (and my trainer has been hounding me) to get him out there, in the bigger space, and start working him. That's all well and good - but I didn't want to take him out the first time alone. So as it turned out, it stopped raining, and I was able to take him out there with a barn mate who also wanted to get her horse out.

Ben was a complete and utter slug. He clearly feels as if he has nowhere to be, and you may as well slow down and enjoy the scenery. If he knew he was on a racetrack he computed that to showing his rider that he had no desire for speed. I actually loved it- he was a solid citizen out there, he had a super small skin-shiver type spook at some barking dogs next door, and that was it. Good boy!

Closer to Center

Oh my Goodness, I am a blogging machine. I have this desire to get everything I am thinking, feeling, witnessing, written down so I can go back to it later on when shit falls apart again. With horses, this moment is inevitable - just a matter of when.

But for now, I bask in the glory of having a wonderfully sweet, comfortable, soft, standardbred gelding. Yes, I said comfortable.

My eyes are all big and dewy. Its love, plain and simple.

Last night was a short, but great ride. I love that I can get to the barn, fetch my trusty (yes, very trusty) steed, groom, tack up and be on his back in no time at all. I guess I am used to having green horses who can't be caught, stand for grooming or tacking, must have groundwork before getting on - etc- the whole process is time consuming, and the actual ride is quite short. I like this version much, much better.

I started out doing my long-hole #7 walk warm up, and even that is getting better. I focused on letting go of all my tight muscles, while asking Ben to stretch down into loose contact, no more giraffe's at the barn. I think that rule has gone a long way in fixing some things about him too. I'm not forcing him to do anything, but I just done want him sticking his head up and twirling his head around like he loves to do. He can have all the rein he wants, he just has to be at level or stretching down.

Shortened back up to hole #5 and began our trot work - the softest warm up we've had to date. It was lovely really. We were sharing the arena with one other rider, so I was forced to do more circling. I realized that I don't mix it up nearly as much. No thinking part of my brain is turned on when I'm riding, unless it has to be - like when I am sharing the arena. I tend to get into a paralyzed numb state during which all I can compute are simple concepts like manipulating a body part - not to say the proper execution of moving that body part happens in a timely or correct manner.

But ah yes, with my brain tuned in a bit more, my body feeling loose, Ben feeling quite comfortable, we rode around. I worked on our transitions both up and down - using the television concept my trainer imparted on me last week. You know what, that shit works. Every time I think about "changing the channel" our transitions get better.

Another revelation I had while sharing the arena- I could carry on a conversation while trotting. THAT, my friends, is new for me on this horse. Not only do I have enough control of my horse to produce recognizable speech vs caveman-esque grunts and noises, I have enough wind to do so. How awesome is that?!

After our playing with transitions we attempted getting down the centerline again. Still not quite there, but closer, by a few feet. We can also halt squarely and trot off.

At this point, the hay truck came down our driveway with a few ton of lovely alfalfa - covered in scary blue tarps. Normally this is not a big deal as our hay barn is quite a ways from the arena...but this particular hay was getting stored close to the arena. While we were waiting for them to back in and position themselves, my friend and I rode around the arena in pairs at walk and trot, and made plans to do a Pas de Deux. Ben thought working in pairs was the most fun ever, as long as he had the outside track. The inside track is just too small for him in our arena.

I definitely feel like something about the pair of us has changed, for the better. No doubt we have a ton of work to do. But we're getting closer...

Moving the Needle By a Few Degrees

After 6 solid says of work including 1 lesson and 1 training ride, Ben had a much deserved 2 days off during which he got new shoes and lots of turnout time both in a large paddock and pasture.

On Saturday, I drove down to a local schooling show and got to see some pro's school their greenies. That was interesting. I also got to watch some ammy rides at intro, but did not stay for training level. I got to see those pro's interact with their students, too. The whole morning was inspiring, but also left me feeling very grateful to have the trainer that I have.

Sunday rolled on in and that meant it was time to get back to work for Team BenAlly. I fussed all morning trying to piece together a better bridle for him because I was noticing that he has started to get a hard lump on his face, right where the stupid flash attachment  goes. Its never put on tight, but the flash is not built onto his bridle, and i think the extra connector piece is causing a problem. In the end I settled on his dover crown piece and padded noseband, Piper's sparkly blue Pink Equine browband, and my thinline reins. The whole thing fit much better. But now that I think about it, I may try the Jeffries crown piece since it has more padding. I dont think the matching noseband would fit him, but he might like that squishy padding behind his ears.

After I was done fussing with the bridle, I went about fussing with the saddle. I had to change the gullet plate on my Isabelle, which proved to be a challenge because the screws are older. So it was a two person job, but we got it done.

Okay, finally fetched the horse from his paddock - he was covered from head to hoof in dried mud. Tons of grooming later, my arms burning, we finally headed to the arena.

After a long warm up on hole #7 (stirrups) - during which I made sure to keep him at an active, but loose rein walk with his head stretching down and not giraffing about. He loves to do the giraffe impersonation - but he gets very choppy and trips, and ultimately much sulkier about contact. So new game plan is to never allow him to do it.

Once I felt like my left side stretched about as far as it could, I put my stirrups back on hole #5, got an active walk on contact, and then started doing trot work. I was focusing mostly on activating my hips, which hurts like hell to start, but also looking up, and not down at my horse.

Everything is getting easier. It could be because his last ride was done by our trainer, so there was still some magic pro aura left on the horse. But despite that, I felt like my riding was better.

Because things were going so well, I decided to try to ride Training Level Test 1...mostly to memorize it, but also to see where our big problem areas are.

Over all, it was ugly - but no one died. My biggest issue in our small walled-in arena is getting Ben down the centerline - we were missing by about 10 feet or more. Our arena is exactly 60 feet wide, but ends rather abruptly with straight walls. This makes the arena much smaller, and hard to ride on a large boat-shaped horse.

The good news is that I do know the test, and we were able to do a lot of the movements- including the stretchy circle. But we do have a lot to work on. I am not one to ride a test over and over, but I will run through it once or twice a week just to see where we are, and to make sure my brain is functioning correctly.

During our cool down I put my stirrups back down on #7, and continued with our walk-exercise of stretching low not high. I also focused more on my position, and even worked a little bit on that loose trot - and felt really good that I could actually stay with my horse in the long stirrups.

 Progress.

It Gets Better

No doubt my last post voiced some serious frustrations. In a way, I think it helped me get it out of my system, and to figure out a plan to not just whine about my shortcomings, but rather figure out how to conquer them.

I mentioned before that I'd started playing with stirrup length, especially at the start of the ride, to help open, loosen, bump my legs along. I think this has been working.

I also invested in a back support brace. Just a cheapo Ace Bandage type thing found at the local Rite Aid for around $30. This, my friends, has been magic, above all else. It definitely helps me stabilize my core, and has given me the opportunity to loosen everything else in the process. I feel strong, held together (duh, cuz I am), and powerful. Maybe it is cheating, but I don't care. I don't walk away with severe hip pain, my horse is going much better, and I'm feeling better.

In addition to my magic bullet, I've also started to do some serious upper body stretching, especially to my left side. I've realized how crooked I sit, and I've been catching myself and correcting myself almost constantly, in addition to stretching out my arms and legs during the day. In addition, just some basic stretches has shown me how balled up my left side really is.

I do have plans to start the exercise plan in the Riders Fitness book - but I am not confident I will stick to it religiously - I am just not home enough during the week. Hmm maybe the barn needs a gym... oooo, now there's an idea.

Now for the harder part: the self- confidence. Having a trainer is like having a therapist. Yesterday during my lesson I voiced my frustration with myself and my riding. I told my trainer everything I have been feeling - like an incompetent rider, that I'm ruining my horse, making him grumpy, and the guilt I have. We were working on upward transitions and talking about energy- and the analogy she used was great. She said think about transitions like changing the channel on a television. The TV is still on, using the same energy, but you are just changing from one channel to another - there is no jolt of energy like when you turn the TV on. Holy crap, she's right. You need a quality walk to get a quality trot. So of course then I asked about my own horse, and said that I feel guilty about asking him to do all this stuff at a greater energy and on the bit because I feel like when he doesn't respond, its due to my incompetence, and so if i tap him with my whip or get after him for being lazy, I'm essentially punishing him for my own faults as a rider.

My trainer then made a great point. First of all, she said to cut the crap out and stop talking myself down, that I'm doing a great job. She also said that he's a 4 year old green horse, and even with the best of riders, he's going to test the waters, especially now as he enters his 4th year. And even if he does something that is my fault, he is still not allowed to get away with it, and still needs correction. So if I let him get lazy, quit, go above the bit and never correct it even though I know I am at fault, he'll just get worse. There is no point in not doing anything, no matter who is at fault.

Okay trainer, you win this round, but I'll be back for you next week.

Looking Down

Turns out we can't go it alone. When Ben came home, I begged my trainer to come to our barn a couple times per week to give me lessons. That was going okay, but my confidence is just not there - I feel like every time I get on this horse I'm ruining him with my crappy seat, legs, and hands. And no one is saying this to me but me.

Work got busy, and so rather than try to get to the barn after work, I had my trainer put some rides on him. He seems happier, and he's easier to ride for about 3 days after she rides him.

I'm being hard on myself, I know. But I also know how badly I suck. On a less bouncy horse, my suckage is minimized, and even hidden. But Ben is exposing every weakness I have. And its beginning to hurt again.

I'm not ready to throw in the towel. I can overcome this. I can become a good enough rider for him.

I threw in a week's vacation in there - let my body recover, rest, and soak in some rays. Turns out not riding for a week is worse than torturing my body for a week.
 
Okay, Plan B. Stretch, strengthen. Look the eff Up - seriously, the horse's head is not going to suddenly pop off if you aren't focusing on it.  Lots of self assessment in the saddle at the walk. My left side is crap. My neck, shoulder, torso, hip. I've always known my left hip is way too closed and too far forward - something I've always struggled with. Any attempts at forcing it back has always created tensions in other places.

But now that I've been in my dressage world, I've also noticed that carrying a long whip has also posed some problems. Why can I comfortably carry the whip in my right hand, resting on my knee - but when I carry it on the left I feel like there is no room - something is blocked. So I started raising my hand, widening my hand - anything to make it feel more like the right. Nothing was working. Until I decided to go a bit higher and see if I played with my shoulders....voila. Left shoulder collapsed forward. If I brought it back - dramatically so - my whip carrying hand suddenly feels right...and wouldn't you know my hip also gets better... and my horse much less cranky.

I've also started playing with stirrup lengths. I'm not confident enough in Ben to just let my stirrups go. He's a great guy and hardly ever spooks...but he's 4, he's 16.1, and he's bouncy...I'd have no chance of saving myself should something happen. Nevertheless, my legs could really use some no-stirrups time. So I've been sneaking in bits here and there, and in addition, doing my warm up with much longer stirrups - about 3 holes from where I can ride him with some dignity, which is really 1 hole too short.

This warm up routine has been helping- I think. Lots of walking, focusing on my position. Not having mirrors doesn't help, I'm just going by what makes Ben happier, and intuitively - what hurts, is troublesome. When I sit up, it hurts to breathe comfortably. It causes anxiety. I know I'm on the right track.

Trotting and cantering - well, if we didn't have our work cut out for us at the walk, you know we do in these gaits. And this is where my guilt comes in. My horse had a beautiful topline, he was fit. He was soft, and happy. And he's losing it at a rapid rate, despite riding him 5 days a week. All because I can't get my act together.


It does come together- but in small steps, where he was used to a proficient rider for the entire ride, every ride.

That said, yesterday we had a better than average ride, and it left me with a glimmer of hope. Wednesday is our first lesson in a few weeks. One other day this week trainer will also ride. I will keep stretching and strengthening off the horse. I will try to lift my attitude out of the gutter. Hopefully it'll be enough to keep us on track...to do something.

Hey Ben, How the Heck Are Ya?!

Man, I suck. Last year I said I was going to blog about owning and retraining an off the track standardbred to show they can be wonderful riding horses.

I started off with great intentions, no one can deny that.

And then I got lazy. Then busy. But mostly lazy.

So here we are, months since my last post. I'll bet you are all wondering if I've given up my project. If I were you, I'd think so too.

I am here to set the record straight. I am a crappy blogger. I'm also a crappy rider.

This leads me to the essence of my blog post- a quarter's worth of updates.

This whole time, Ben has been up in training. Yes, 3 wonderful, expensive months of full training. Those three months would have probably taken me at least 3 years to do myself, if I could ever do it on my own.

Money can't buy everything, but in this case it did.

Ladies and gentleman, I introduce to you Ben 2.0:

Holy S***!